Rules of Firefighting
FIREFIGHTER'S RULE OF GRAVITY:
Any tool, when dropped, will always come to rest in the least accessible place possible.
THE FIRST RULE OF EQUIPMENT:
Any piece of firefighting equipment will never malfuntion or fail until (a) you need it to fight a fire or (b) the salesman leaves.
SECOND RULE OF EQUIPMENT:
Interchangeable parts don't, leakproof seals aren't and self starters won't.
FIREFIGHTER'S RULES OF THE BATHROOM:
(a) If you have just gone to the bathroom, no call will be received. (b) If you have no just gone to the bathroom, you will soon regret it. (c) The probability of receiving a call increases proportionally to the time elapsed since last going to the bathroom.
RULES OF WARNING DEVICES:
(a) The use of a siren on a firefighting vehicle while responding to a call will cause acute and total (but temporary) deafness to the drivers of vehicles in its path. (b) The use of warning lights on a firefighting vehicle while responding to a call will cause acute and total (but temporary) blindness to the drivers of vehicles in its path.
FIREFIGHTER'S RULE OF LIGHT:
As the seriousness of any given situation increases, the availability of light to illuminate the situation decreases.
FIREFIGHTER'S THEORY OF WEIGHT:
The weight of the equipment that you are about to carry increases by the square of the sum of the distance to reach the situation.
FIREFIGHTER'S RULE OF RULES:
As soon as the firefighting rules are accepted as absolutes, an exception to that rule will immediately occur.