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| Springfield Township Fire Department | home
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Rules of EMS
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-Skin signs tell all.
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-Sick people don't complain |
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-Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing.
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-Newbies have there own way of doing things. |
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-The more equipment you see on a EMTs belt, the newer they are. |
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-There are no rules |
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-All bleeding stops....eventually.
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-All people will eventually die, no matter what you do. |
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-If the child is quiet, be scared. |
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-Always be smart enough to follow the rules, but be wise enough to forget them sometimes. |
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-If the patient vomits in the rig try to hold thier head to the side of the rig with the disposable equipment, not the stuff you have to clean. |
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-If someone dies by chemical hazards, electrical shocks or other on-scene dangers make sure it's not you. |
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-There will be problems. |
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-You can't cure stupidity |
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-If it's wet and sticky and not yours, LEAVE IT ALONE! |
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-EMS is extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by occasional moments of sheer terror. |
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-Every Emergency has three phases PANIC, FEAR, AND REMORSE. |
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-You are bound to get a call either during dinner, while you are on the can, or at 02:00 in the middle of a great dream. |
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-Rocket scientists that get into car crashes are the first ones to complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is. |
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-Turret mounted machine guns usually work better than lights and sirens. |
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-Make sure the rookie EMT knows that a med patch is a radio term, and not a medicated bandage. |
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-Paramedics save lives; But it's EMT skills that save Paramedics. |
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-When a patient vomits outside, be sure to aim it at the citizens who wouldn't back up. |
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-Never trust your rig, drug box, or airway bag to be fully stocked,especially if the grew clocking out says "everythings good to go" |
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-If you don't have it, don't give up, Adapt, Improvise, Overcome, (then call for a second unit). |
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-There is no such thing as a "textbook case" |
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-Newbies always look for large things in the smallest compartments and vice versa. |
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-There is no such thing as a bad call. Only calls that didn't go the way you planned. |
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-If there are no drunks at an MVA after midnight, keep looking, some one is missing.
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-Just cause your partner is paranoid doesn't mean the Supervisor is around the corner. |
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-Remember what MICN stands for, "May I interrupt your Call Now?". |
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-Just because someone's license date is before yours does not mean they know what they are doing. |
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Stupid EMS Definitions
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Artery...the study of painting |
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Bacteria...the back door of the cafeteria |
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Barium...what the doctors do when patients die |
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Bowel..a letter like A, E, I, O or U |
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Cesarean Section...a neighborhood in Rome |
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Cat Scan...searching for the kitty |
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Cauterize...made eye contact with her |
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Colic...a sheep dog |
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D & C...where Washington is |
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Dilate...to live long |
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Enema...not a friend |
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Fester...quicker |
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GI Series...a soldiers ball game |
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Hangnail...a coat hook |
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Impotent...distinguished, well known |
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Labor Pains...getting hurt at work |
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Medical Staff...a doctor's cane |
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Morbid...a higher offer |
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Nitrates...cheaper than day rates |
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Node...was aware of |
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Outpatients...a person who fainted |
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Pap Smear...a fatherhood test |
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Pelvis...a cousin of Elvis |
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Post Operative...a letter carrier |
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Recovery Room...a place to do reupholstery |
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Rectum...dang near killed them |
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Seizure...a Roman emperor |
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Tablet...a small table |
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Tumor...more than one more |
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Urine...opposite of you're out |
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